"are you pregnant?"

seriously, at this stage, i can't believe folks are still having to wonder. my ass is large and in charge. i've been the recipient of this horrific question twice this week. and yes, it's only tuesday.

you know, there's really never a good time to ask a woman that question. if she's not pregnant, she thinks "holy shit, do i just look fat?"

and if she is, she thinks "holy shit, do i just look fat?"

neither scenario is fabulous. in any case, here are a few clues to seek out:

- belly rubbing. pregnant women rub their bellies every few minutes or so. and it just happens - it's not a conscious thing, kind of like breathing. but don't reach out to do the same. you'll be left with a dangling, bloody handless limb.

- a secret smile that comes from nowhere. usually, we've felt fluttering from within and just find it so magical. this is sometimes accompanied by grabbing the hub's hand and pressing it to the belly, usually resulting in.....nothing.

- sly, sideways glances at every stroller that rolls by. this could be a reflection of jealousy of the woman pushing the stroller, because it means she's not wearing pants with stretchy panels anymore, or checking out the stroller itself. is it a bugaboo? a quinny? ew, a graco.


• - snacks in the handbag. i can pull out three different kinds of munchies at any given moment. then again, that's always the case for me.

i better go. there's a drumstick in the kitchen calling my name, and i can't put it in my purse for later. i'm sure i'll burn it off at yoga. heh. mmmmm, ice cream.