bitter, party of one. and a half.

today brought something i've been dreading for a month now - a screening test for gestational diabetes. basically, you go in, drink a bottle of this horrifically sugary, nasty orange-flavored glucose drink (which you have to chug-a-lug in less than 5 minutes), wait an hour, and then give up some of your warm, precious blood. I HATE NEEDLES. i know it doesn't actually hurt, but i just hate 'em. i don't know a soul who doesn't.

so after my regular appointment with my doctor, which goes perfectly fine as always - the bean's growing just fine, the heartbeat is strong, i've managed to gain 4 pounds (bringing my total so far to 9 pounds, woohoo!) - i down the disgusting concoction and sit down with a book for an hour.

i waddle down to the lab, where i make a total ass out of myself by sashaying right up to the counter only to be told "you have to get in line, ma'am." i turn around and sure enough, there's a nice long line of folks waiting to check in. d-oh! and it's not like i've never been here before. so i slink to the end of the line, with a plastic "sorry, i'm pregnant and stupid" grin on my face. it's not long before i'm at the counter, luckily not in front of the same chick who put my ass in check. the guy goes "oh, you're here for the fun stuff!" and i say "yeah, but at least it isn't the 3-hour test. i'd have to kill myself." and because i'm there for a timed test, i'm shuffled right over to the next available lab tech. i didn't even have time to be scared or nervous - i put my arm out and look away, and somehow i've been blessed with THE BEST tech there. i didn't feel a thing, and in no time flat, i'm walking outta there all happy to have it over with.

i decide to treat myself to a new face, courtesy of the laura mercier counter at nords. i sit down for a makeover and walk out with a bagful of fabulous new products. so. excited.

a couple of hours later, an email pops up, and it's my lab results. i'm full of confidence that the test will be negative - it's been such a great pregnancy so far, and i had no problems last time, either - and what do you freakin' know...my glucose levels are HIGH. i'm pissed. this can only mean one thing: i'm headed back to kaiser for the dreaded 3-hour test. this consists of an overnight fast, a blood draw the moment i get there, TWICE the amount of orange yuckiness, and then the piece de resistance: a blood draw HOURLY for THREE hours.

kill me now.