chubby mcflabberson

apparently, that is me. oh, yes. read on:

i guess it doesn't help much that i had KFC for lunch. heh. i went for the mashed potato bowl - something i'd never tried before, but let's take a look, shall we?

mashed potatoes - good.

corn - good.

gravy - good.

popcorn chicken - GOOD!

cheese - GOOD!

really, what could be wrong with all that goodness, layered in that order, and in such a nice, convenient bowl? but here's the kicker: the dude at the drive-thru (yup, that's right. i didn't even haul my ass outta the car for this gastronomical gut bomb) offered me a double-chocolate cake for $1.99.

not just a slice, folks. an ENTIRE cake. for under $2. holy shit. no wonder we're all fat. it's seriously just. too. easy.

so anyway, the session with the personal trainer was wack, yo. he had us fill out a lame questionnaire about our physical goals, the last time we were at our ideal physical shape (um, never), blah, blabbity blah. and he was so full of himself - it was nothing but "when i was body building" this and "while i was a full-time trainer" that. non-fucking-stop. and then he busted out this stupid body fat measuring tool that i think is totally bogus.

and that's NOT just because it said i'm at 26.9% body fat. i swear!

even the kid measured at over 22%. that's such total and complete bullshit.

when i was telling the hub about it later on, it occurred to me that maybe those little devices are rigged. because every gym offers a free session with a personal trainer when you join, and every trainer hands this thing to you during your "evaluation." you are then surprised and shamed at the flabby state your body is apparently in, and this makes it easier for said trainer to swoop in with a pricing sheet and schedule.

after a 10-minute warm-up on the elliptical machine, he walked us around rather aimlessly through the free weights section before settling on the compound row machine. the kid went first, did a set of reps, and then we switched places. of course, he put extra weight on for me - even knowing that i hadn't touched weights in over a year. bastard. we did a few sets before moving over to the lat pulldown, and repeated the process.

the last thing he had us do was go over to the mats and do the "superman" - where you lay on your tummy, arms out in front of you, and pull up so that your arms and legs are stretched out and off the mat. we did this a few times before heading back to his desk and getting the sales pitch.

and when he said "so which one of these programs do you want to sign up for?" i looked at him sideways and said "i'm not prepared to sign up for anything right now, i'd like to discuss it with my husband first."

and that asshole said "oh. do you let him make ALL the decisions?" shee-it. he's lucky i didn't put a size 7 in the side of his big ol' head.

when i told the hub that fun little tidbit, he immediately wanted to know the dude's name. "what an asshole. i'll come down and give him a decision."

i was tempted to let him go off on mr. chumpy mcsucker, but i just signed up for my membership. and i'm sure i'll run into him now and then. i'd rather not have to endure any mad-dogging, you know?

and today, i'm sore as all hell. fuckin' A.

i'm so weird.

i had another one of my crazy dreams last night.

i was sitting in front of the computer (no, that's not the crazy part) and was going absolutely INSANE trying to find an entry i'd made about chicken.

great. looking for a food post in this blog? hello, needle in a damn haystack.

and then i realized i'd made a huge mistake way back when i started the blog - oh, only 200+ posts ago. i'd totally ignored using any labels, and now i get to add something to yesterday's list: go back and label each. and. every. stinking. post. oy.

but as always, i looked for a silver lining and found it: i get to relive and reminisce over the last year. that's kind of fun, although time consuming as a mo-fo. oh, well.

i also remembered something else that should've been on that list, that was the inspiration for posting the list in the first place: the bean's baby book. i really want to get going on it and keep it up, so that i don't forget stuff. the kid got all indignant with me the other day when she asked me what her first word was.

and i couldn't remember.

how sad.

when stuff like that is happening, you swear it's a life-changing event that you'll never forget. and then you get old like me and forget little details like YOUR KID'S FIRST WORD. but hey, since i'll be re-reading this damn blog for the bean's book, it'll actually help me remember little details and dates and things. yippee.

and last night, i totally got caught up in posting reviews about local businesses on yelp.com. some of you probably figured this out when you opened your e-mail and found one from me, begging you to be my yelp friend. heh.

anyway, i was having a good old time, offering my feedback and opinions on such places as lola baby, assael bmw, and gymboree. and before i knew it, it was 1:00 and the hub was snoring on the couch in front of the tv and the bean had been asleep in my moby wrap for hours. oops. i poked him to tell him i was going into the bedroom, and he stumbled in behind me with the dog at his heels.

speaking of the hub, vacation planning with that man is like pulling teeth. he's a damn molar, i swear.

wait.

he's a wisdom tooth!

no, even better - he's an IMPACTED wisdom tooth. ugh! he's all for planning our mexican spring break trip, but whenever i try to go over details with him (you know, little things like flight times, hotels, etc.), he either gets that glazed look that husbands get (you know the one, if you've got a husband), or totally makes fun of everything i show him, and gets the kid involved. i swear, when those two get together and gang up on me, i want to reach out and knock their heads together. oy! and i can't make these decisions single-handedly, because god forbid something should go wrong, or my choices aren't up to his lofty standards, and it'll all be MY fault.

the kid and i have our complimentary session with a personal trainer at the gym this afternoon. yay. she's less than thrilled, but was willing to sign up knowing i'd be right next to her. i'm guessing it would've been easier for her had we been assigned a female trainer, but we didn't, and she'll just have to deal. but that'll make three days in a row that we've hit the gym, and that's a good thing.

my to-do list

i refuse to make new year's resolutions. i used to, but i realized that i didn't stick to them, and also decided that it was silly to wait for something like january 1st to start doing stuff i probably should've been doing anyway. you know? instead, i'm making a list of things i'd like to accomplish between now and...well, ever. heh. here goes:

• i actually managed to get one thing done even before i could make my list, but i'm going to put it down anyway. this way, i can cross something off right away! i wanted to find some kind of physical activity for the kid and me to do together. she's always wanted to go to the gym with me, but stupid bally's doesn't let minors use their facilities till they're at least 16. but last week, we stopped in at the local l.a. fitness and found that they allow kids as young as 12 have memberships! yay, a place that'll let me give them money every month so that the kid can work out. anyway, we signed up and went yesterday for the first time - dropping off the bean at the "kids klub." i was totally nervous, but when we went to pick her up after 40 minutes of cardio, the attendant said she did just fine. yay!
• order our wedding album. yeah, yeah, we've been married for over two years. shut up.
• organize all of the old pictures that are currently in boxes on shelves in the garage into nice albums. i love to scrapbook, but considering the fact that it takes me an hour to get ONE page done (which usually includes two to three actual pictures), hell to the naw. i'll be satisfied if i can sort them out and get them into regular old albums.
• bust out all of our digital pictures (from CDs AND the hard drive) and make albums using either mypublisher or shutterfly. i'm thinking mypublisher will be the way to go, though, considering i can order discounted products through costco.com.
  
• get the bean a passport. actually, i guess i can cross off something else, too, since i picked up her official birth certificate yesterday. yippee! anyway, we'll need her passport if we're going to cabo for spring break.
• help the kid get on the honor roll. this is a tall order, considering her solid 2.5 GPA, but i know she can do it. or, at least, i'll beat it into her. KIDDING! don't be calling child services on my ass.
• go through the bean's clothes and donate the ones that don't fit anymore to goodwill. besides, if i clean out her closet, that'll leave lots of room for new stuff. and i'm always happy to take care of THAT.
• clean out my makeup/toiletry drawers and get rid of old makeup that would probably give me gangrene or some shit, and bottles of crappy lotion that are half empty, and random samples of stuff i'll never use. the last time i did this, i put together lots of perfume and makeup samples and listed them on ebay. gotta love making a little cash on shit i got for free!
• ooh, one more thing i can cross off now: get my hair cut into a style that's cute and yet easy to do in the morning. or afternoon. or whenever i manage to drag my ass into the shower. we all know that can be anytime between 8 in the morning and 5 in the afternoon. or later. heh.
  

hmmm. that's all i can think of at the moment. i know damn well there's a hell of a lot more crap that belongs on this list, and yet i'm drawing a big, fat blank. therefore, i hereby reserve the right to amend/modify/add to this list at any time between now and...well, ever.

snow day, in pictures

as promised (albeit a day late), here are fun pictures of our day in the snow. hurray!

i love this onesie - if you can't see it too well, it says "i won't remember any of this."

this is the ILs' patio. i thought the snow on the table looked like a cake! mmmmm, cake.

what a difference an hour makes. before and after shots of the back yard:

these two crack me up. apparently, snow is delicious:

the bean just sat with me in the house and watched their shenanigans.

they threw snowballs at each other, and eventually, at us too.

the girls were quite proud of their little midget snowman.

can't you just hear that lee greenwood song as you look at this shot?

and, home at last. molly was pretty thrilled.

no almond milk for you!

good god a'mighty. the bean and i left the house at 10 this morning and just BARELY got back in time to pick up the kid from school at 2:30. sheesh. although i must admit, we were quite productive, so that's a good thing.

we got to the county recorder's office in norwalk in about half an hour. it was fairly easy to get there, but we did encounter a really ugly accident that shut the freeway down to just the carpool lane. the ambulance was getting there just as we passed it - there were a few cars plus two big rigs involved, and those cars were seriously jacked up. i caught a glimpse of one guy sitting on the bumper, holding his arm, and i just sent up a quick prayer, hoping that everyone involved was okay. yikes.

once i pulled into the parking lot, i realized (too late) how big of a mistake it was to try this on a monday. what was i thinking? it took a solid fifteen minutes to even find a parking spot. i had to pass up a couple of openings, even. damn those stupid compact spots.

after missing at least a dozen opportunities to parking spot-stalk (you know what i mean - when you sit and watch for folks exiting the building, and totally follow them really closely, like a freaky stalker, and then flick on the signal and do a victory dance, laughing at the disgruntled drivers who are either stuck behind you or go around you, grumbling and mad-dogging you all the way), i finally got a sweet spot, right in front. patience is a virtue, people.

i strapped the bean into the s&m carrier and headed inside the building, all the while praying that i wasn't going to have to stand in the line that went all the way down the stairs and down the sidewalk. what was i thinking? of course that was where i had to be. i glanced at my watch when i got in line, and decided to keep track of how long it really was.

it was damn cold outside. plus, we were standing in the shade. thank goodness the rain was over, though! phew. as we stood there, i held the bean close and wrapped my jacket around her, even though she was wearing several layers and sharing my body heat. and then a girl walked up to me, holding out a pink blanket, and asked me if i wanted it for the bean. i was really touched at her kindness, and told her so as i thanked her and showed her the extra jacket i had in my bag. i watched her walk back to her place in line - which was waaaaay up in front, almost at the door. i thought it was even sweeter that she took the time to walk all the way back to where i was. huh. there IS such a thing as the "kindness of strangers," after all!

by the time i finally got up to one of the windows, it had been just under an hour. i was actually pretty surprised, because as one of the guys behind me said, that line looked like it was about three days long. and the bean had fallen asleep and was snuggled up all nice and warm. i paid my $34 and walked away with two certified, authorized copies of the bean's birth certificate. woo-hoo!

i managed to get to fabric barn in about 15 minutes and then got in and out in about 10. thankfully, i knew exactly what i needed and where to find it, and i'd even scored a great parking spot on the street right in front of the store. yippee!

i made my way back to the freeway and realized that if i drove straight home, i'd be about half an hour too early to pick up the kid. yay for navigation! i love that thing so much. anyway, i had a couple of things i needed (yes, NEEDED) to pick up at nordstrom. sadly for me, i didn't think of this before i blew past the one in the cerritos mall, so i decided to head to santa anita mall instead. plus, i could swing by lollicup and pick up a nice hot almond milk drink! mmmm.

i was quite astonished at how busy the mall was - it was 1:30 on a monday afternoon! don't these people have jobs?? heh. anyway, the parking gods again smiled down upon me, and granted me another fabulous spot. i headed straight to the cosmetics department to find my stuff, and then to women's lounge to change the bean's diaper. i was practically drooling at the thought of that delicious almond milk, but as i zoom-zoomed through the cosmetics on my way to the lounge, a display of shu uemura products appeared before me. i took a quick walk around it, found the mini eyelash curler that amber mentioned last week, and realized that i had a choice to make. eyelash curler, or almond milk? i only had time for one or the other (if the monkey is reading this, i know she's imagining smacking me upside the head for this one).

as i got the bean all nice and comfy in a clean diaper, i chattered to her about the choice i had to make. of course, she looked up at me, blew a raspberry (oooh, i forgot to mention that she discovered how to do this fun thing on friday - so damn cute), and smiled. i asked her which one she thought i should get, outlined in detail the pros and cons of both, and said "if you think i should get the curler, blow me some spit bubbles."

and that's what she did.

so my choice was clear. and it's totally justified, dammit!

snow day!

well, not exactly. at least, not the kind where you get a free day off from school. but it WAS quite a fun, snow-filled day!

i have lots of pictures to upload from the fancy-schmancy camera, but i'll probably do that tomorrow. that's AFTER we get back from going to the dreaded l.a. county recorder's office to get the bean's birth certificate, and also from fabric barn. i'm working on a big invitation order, and the ribbon i ordered online just isn't the right color. damn. i hope it doesn't rain on us tomorrow - at least, not till we get home. ugh.

anyway, as i mentioned in my last post, we headed up to wrightwood yesterday to spend some time with the ILs - have some dinner, hang out at their casa, rent some movies, spend the night and play in the snow. we picked up the kid's BFF, packed up the car (not only did we load up on the bean's gear, but our snow stuff, too), and took off for the mountains.

it was absolutely gorgeous when we arrived - just before the last of the daylight disappeared. it's such a big difference between our rainy neighborhood and the snowy, winter wonderland they live in. of course, there are dangers - the ski area at nearby mountain high had several avalanches that ended up killing a couple of skiers who ended up lost/out of bounds. eek.

we enjoyed a yummy dinner of pork chops with gravy (as always, everything's better with gravy. or bacon), rice, green beans, and fresh biscuits, hot from the oven. there was lots of hot cocoa, plus warm brownies, and chocolate chip cookies - also fresh from the oven. we're always so spoiled at the IL's house.

the boys went up for some night snowboarding, and FIL took the girls to rent some movies. they came home with SIX - day after tomorrow, pirates of the caribbean 2, blades of glory, edward scissorhands (the kid LOVES johnny depp), batman begins, and the bratz movie. that's right. the bratz movie. oof.

we popped in "day after tomorrow" and settled in with more cocoa and blankets. halfway through the movie, the boys returned from snowboarding - tired, wet, and hungry for cookies. lucky for them, we saved a few ;)

i managed not to fall asleep during the movie, but didn't last more than ten minutes into "batman begins." i can't decide if i was just tired or utterly bored at the lack of interesting plotline. oh, well. we went to bed as soon as the credits started rolling.

then this morning, the bean woke up at her usual time and we got up just in time to see the ILs for a few minutes before leaving for their usual sunday church marathon routine. they're really heavily involved and are there for all three services - MIL runs the nursery and FIL often takes preaching duties when the regular pastor is out.

i threw together some scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and leftover biscuits and we ate breakfast while watching that horrid bratz movie. i can't even believe i watched that drivel. i'm so ashamed. even the girls were cringing at the sheer cheesiness of it all. damn you, paula abdul, for bringing that crap to life. the dolls were bad enough.

the smell of the bacon woke up the hub, and after having some food, he and the girls threw on snow gear and went outside to play. again, i have lots of pictures, so i'll post those tomorrow (hopefully). they built a cute little mini-me snowman, had a snowball fight, and took the bean outside just long enough to get snow in her hair. awww, my little snow bunny.

the ILs got back in time to have some lunch with us, and then BIL and the hub went outside to ride their ATVs before we got back in the car to head home. and that was one hell of a long drive. what normally takes 45-ish minutes ended up killing a good two hours. the crazy number of folks on the road, plus those who crowded the lanes, parking near sledding spots (why do these people ALWAYS have their kids sledding down hills towards the busy main streets? why?) caused such horrifically slow-moving traffic, we were ready to pull our hair out by the roots (of course, not MY fabulous new hair, ha!). and to make matters worse, it was snowing really hard. it looked like a dish of dippin' dots had spilled across our windshield.

mmmmm, dippin' dots. those are fantastic.

[shaking head vigorously]

um, so anyway - we finally got down the hill (slowly, but safely), dropped the BFF off, and picked up some sansei grub for dinner. mollydog was pretty happy to see us come home, and she peed a trail of excitement coming over to welcome us home. oy.

the unveiling

okay, these pictures aren't great, but they're all i've got for now.

front and back:

whaddaya think? does it look like mom hair? i'm getting used to the air hitting the back of my neck, ha! and i really love it. i'm also pretty happy to have found a great go-to girl almost literally around the corner from the house.

the kid got a new cut, too:


kind of windblown here, but it's really, really adorable. she LOVES it. plus, our stylist was fabulous. when i got there and told her what i wanted and how nervous i was, she put me right at ease. she spent some time talking with me, looking at my face shape, running her hands through my hair to check the texture - all the things a great stylist SHOULD do. besides, her name was rochelle. that's my cousin and maid of honor's name! so i couldn't go wrong with her.

and i'm so thrilled i did it. it's relatively low-maintenance - the back of it will fall right into place as i blow it dry, and it takes a little bit of product, but nothing that'll take too much time. the only thing is, i was getting used to the minimal make-up! i'd pared it down to tinted moisturizer, powder, blush, and a little mascara and liner. i'll have to go back to the old routine, or i'll just look too blah.

as she was washing my hair, she was looking at the kid and saying "i could give her such a cool rock star cut, i can picture it already." and before i knew it, she'd handed her some magazines to look through and we were making an appointment for later in the afternoon.

she was also kind enough to use the same bumble & bumble products on both of us, so we could just buy one set and share it. yes, i'm a sucker, but i'm okay with it.

this was the bean as we sat and watched the kid get her hair did:

shit! the hub's walking in the door. we're off to wrightwood to have dinner with the ILs, spend the night, and play in the snow tomorrow. whee!

t-minus 1.5 hours

until posh spice and i have more in common than hunky husbands.

oh, shit.

yeah, i said it grows back, and it does. but when i told the kid "hey, i'm going to do it. i'm getting the posh cut." she looked at me with incredulous eyes and said "are you SURE, mom??"

holy shit.

think of me at 9:30, will ya? i'm going with a whole different stylist, one i've never seen before, but i'm assured that she's the "expert" when it comes to victoria beckham's 'do.

oh, shit.

reminiscing

okay, i'm so doing it. i'm going to cut my hair. first chance i get to get away, i'm just gonna go for it. besides, it grows back. although when you get stuck with a 'do you hate, it seems to take foh-evah for it to grow out.

like when i was 14 and got this horrific perm that literally FRIED my poor hair. you know those little fine baby hairs you get at your hairline? they were so frizzed out and dry, it was just sad.

i went home and washed it like, a dozen times, and of course - those curls were there for good. i cried and cried as i lathered, rinsed, and repeated, and again, and again, and again. my mom tried to make it a little better and took me to at least get a decent cut, and while it helped a tiny bit, i still looked like a little boy with really bad hair. heh.

and what did i do to hide it?

we went to disneyland, and i bought a sailor-style hat. i stuck it on my nugget, and i shit you not, i was not seen in public without that hat for months (i know my sister is totally reading this and laughing her fool ass off). and then my hair finally started to grow out, and by the time freshman year started, i was fairly presentable. for the 80's, anyway.

and don't ask me to post a picture. no way in effing hell am i doing THAT.

so on another note, i was reading a post on one of the baby boards on thenest.com - it was about having kids versus, well, not. "do you think about how you'll never feel a baby kicking inside of you again, or how you won't ever see your baby for the first time?"

and i got really, really sad.

because the bean is *it* for us. we've got her and the kid, and that makes for one very happy little wan-family. no, we're not planning to "try for a boy." not gonna change our minds.

and yet, i reminisce about how exciting it was to see that second line pop up on a peestick. how wonderful it was to have that first ultrasound and see the little heart beating away. the pride i felt at seeing my belly grow every week. the joy we all felt when we broke the news to our families. the thrill of feeling the baby move for the first time. the anticipation as the due date got closer and closer. all the fun and love that was showered upon me at the parties that people i love threw for us. hell, even the sheer terror at the impending labor and delivery.

but oh, it's just so worth it. when you see that baby for the first time, and your husband is standing there with tears in his eyes as he holds your hand and stares in awe at the child you just brought into the world, life is just so damn sweet.

and then there are all of those "firsts." first bath. first smile. first coo/gurgle. first laugh. and so many more - there's so much to look forward to.

it's hard to come to terms with knowing that i'll never experience these things again. they're literally precious moments (ew, i hate those big-headed things), and they come and go so fast, and you never get them back.

but, as my friend trish reminds me, in a few years we'll be in the throes of teenage angst, and that'll be enough to occupy all my time and energy. not to mention, by then i'll be running around after the bean in her "terrible two"s.

hey, maybe i'll lose weight and be extra hawt then. silver lining, y'all, silver lining!

hmm. today is

the bio-dad's birthday. i wonder where he is.

hair, happiness, and heath

ever since meeting MBOC at the charity fundraiser a couple of weeks ago, i've been absolutely obsessed with her hair. i mean, i think about it nearly nonstop. lame, right? i know. and she was such a crack-up when i was a big puddle of gushy idiocy:

"dude, you don't want MY hair. it's victoria beckham's hair you want!"

but anyone who's known me through the years will be aware of the fact that my hair has run the gamut - from brenda's stick-straight with bangs 90210 hair to the waaaaay overdone rachel do from "friends" to reese's adorable cut in "sweet home alabama". this also doesn't include the many, many bad perms in the 80's. [shudder]

i'm fairly certain that my face is far too round to pull off a cut like MBOC/vicky's. but i keep wondering if perhaps i can have the same cut - just a little bit longer. like, just long enough to touch my shoulders.

oh, so conflicted.

and i can't have a post that doesn't mention food at least ONCE. it just wouldn't be me, you know?

the bean and i went to the grocery store yesterday to buy stuff for dinners for the week. i was all set to try out this chicken cordon bleu pasta recipe and bought a rotisserie chicken to use in it, but while talking to the hub on his way home, he said the chicken sounded really good on its own. so i just made some rice to go with it, and that was that. anyway, as i was looking for frozen peas, i found this:

i love cinnamon. i love cream cheese. and god knows i love bread. so i scooped it up and turned on the convection oven the moment i walked through the door to try 'em out.

mmmmm, delish. soft and chewy, with just the right amount of cinnamon, and the cream cheese was perfectly gooey and sweet. i'm sitting on my hands to keep from getting up and making the second tray right now. so scrumptious.

and it looks like i'm finally going to have lunch with my friend A! yay! after weeks of trying to get our schedules in sync so that we can visit and exchange christmas presents (!), we finally decided to just have her come over with the kids, picking up some yummy costco pizza on the way. pizza, soda, and presents. sounds good to me.

my daily bean snapshot:

and lastly, r.i.p., heath ledger. i so loved you in "10 things i hate about you" and "the patriot" (which was the first movie i ever saw alone). i'm so sad for your sweet baby girl, and for your grieving family and friends.

the only good thing about paparazzi is that one day, she'll be able to see pictures of you taking walks with her perched on your shoulders, enjoying simple pleasures together, and how much you loved her.