reminiscing

okay, i'm so doing it. i'm going to cut my hair. first chance i get to get away, i'm just gonna go for it. besides, it grows back. although when you get stuck with a 'do you hate, it seems to take foh-evah for it to grow out.

like when i was 14 and got this horrific perm that literally FRIED my poor hair. you know those little fine baby hairs you get at your hairline? they were so frizzed out and dry, it was just sad.

i went home and washed it like, a dozen times, and of course - those curls were there for good. i cried and cried as i lathered, rinsed, and repeated, and again, and again, and again. my mom tried to make it a little better and took me to at least get a decent cut, and while it helped a tiny bit, i still looked like a little boy with really bad hair. heh.

and what did i do to hide it?

we went to disneyland, and i bought a sailor-style hat. i stuck it on my nugget, and i shit you not, i was not seen in public without that hat for months (i know my sister is totally reading this and laughing her fool ass off). and then my hair finally started to grow out, and by the time freshman year started, i was fairly presentable. for the 80's, anyway.

and don't ask me to post a picture. no way in effing hell am i doing THAT.

so on another note, i was reading a post on one of the baby boards on thenest.com - it was about having kids versus, well, not. "do you think about how you'll never feel a baby kicking inside of you again, or how you won't ever see your baby for the first time?"

and i got really, really sad.

because the bean is *it* for us. we've got her and the kid, and that makes for one very happy little wan-family. no, we're not planning to "try for a boy." not gonna change our minds.

and yet, i reminisce about how exciting it was to see that second line pop up on a peestick. how wonderful it was to have that first ultrasound and see the little heart beating away. the pride i felt at seeing my belly grow every week. the joy we all felt when we broke the news to our families. the thrill of feeling the baby move for the first time. the anticipation as the due date got closer and closer. all the fun and love that was showered upon me at the parties that people i love threw for us. hell, even the sheer terror at the impending labor and delivery.

but oh, it's just so worth it. when you see that baby for the first time, and your husband is standing there with tears in his eyes as he holds your hand and stares in awe at the child you just brought into the world, life is just so damn sweet.

and then there are all of those "firsts." first bath. first smile. first coo/gurgle. first laugh. and so many more - there's so much to look forward to.

it's hard to come to terms with knowing that i'll never experience these things again. they're literally precious moments (ew, i hate those big-headed things), and they come and go so fast, and you never get them back.

but, as my friend trish reminds me, in a few years we'll be in the throes of teenage angst, and that'll be enough to occupy all my time and energy. not to mention, by then i'll be running around after the bean in her "terrible two"s.

hey, maybe i'll lose weight and be extra hawt then. silver lining, y'all, silver lining!