i have a devil sitting on my shoulder

ain't he cute? but he's such a little shit. there's so much crazy in my life right now, and he keeps trying to get me to use my blog to vent and say all the things i wish i'd said out loud. i mean, i totally could. it'd be so easy.

like, i COULD inquire as to how one could be so sure that they didn't do something heinous, when at the same time they're claiming that they don't have any recollection of anything at all.

or maybe i COULD ask another person if they would truly be satisfied with an apology that is essentially as empty as the air that the words were released into.

perhaps i could point out to yet another that the words they so thoughtfully copied and pasted and used against me were actually said in quite a different context than what they twisted them around to say. i COULD also mention that the e-mails that they c&p'd these words into and questioned so thoroughly were sent to a whole group of folks - except me. yup, i could do that.

maybe i could even express my frustration at their insistence upon labeling themselves as a neutral party, when it was so obviously the exact opposite.

and that damn devil really wants me to ask if those folks who are seemingly so quick and eager to believe the very worst of me even bothered to listen to my side of the story when it was presented. because it sure as hell feels like i've been tried and convicted.

then, i suppose, just for fun, i could point out that now i've actually been victimized twice - the first time being when i was very young, and now, in a completely different manner as an adult, when i've finally opened up and shared my experience. because i feel as though i've been belittled, labeled as a liar (of course, not in those exact words), and basically written off as a troublemaker. because i have so many reasons to make up shit like this. you know, it's just the way i roll.

and now the devil wonders how many of these words are going to be picked apart, dissected, and used to illustrate how much of a terrible person i MUST really be.

but you know what? i thought about it, and then i brushed that cute little devil right off my shoulder.

it's not worth it. i've closed that book and tossed it into the fireplace. as far as i'm concerned, it's over, and i'm standing there with a can of lighter fluid in one hand and a book of matches in the other.

i much prefer to keep my fun little blog FUN. i like talking about the hub, the kid, the bean. ooh, food! i love talking about food. and handbags! and what i did for the weekend, and hanging out with my SFAMs, and places i want to go, places i've been...

hey, look! the bean's taking a nap! and, as the kid said, she looks like a starfish.


;)

i keep forgetting

that two of my favorite bloggers, nannersp and willikat, honored me with a couple of sweet awards. and since i've had one hell of a shitty ass day, i'm going to AW them right now.

nanners bestowed this one upon my silly little blog:


really, i'm touched that out of the zillion blogs that nanners frequents, she included me in her list of recipients. i love nanners a lot :)

and my favorite bride-to-be, willikat, passed this one along to me:


willikat is a sweetheart. i actually have nanners to thank for us finding each other!

i've gotta pay it forward and pass it along to 10 of my favorite blogs, which i'll do later, i promise. i'm really so discombobulated from the day i've had that i'm begging for an extension!

[off to pop an advil.]

[or twelve.]

r.i.p., off vine

during last night's local news, we were saddened to hear that off vine, the restaurant where we had dinner before seeing wicked in february, suffered a devastating fire yesterday. apparently, faulty wiring contributed to the second floor going up in smoke. luckily, there were no patrons seated up there, and no one was hurt. but now they have half a million bucks' worth of damage, and even if they rebuild, it won't be the same. we may have been decidedly underwhelmed by our meal there, but we could appreciate the history of the place, and it was beloved by many. sad.

in happier news, we decided to escape yesterday's oppressive heat in the valley and headed off to the beach for a fun day out. the hub spoke briefly to his parents, who suggested meeting for dinner in newport beach, and so to the o.c. we went for surf and sand.

the beach we actually ended up going to was huntington - it'd been years since either of us had actually gone there to sit on the sand, so we found parking and then busted out the stroller.

the big girl stroller!

the bean had never been in a "real" stroller before - we'd always just attached her car seat to the stroller frame, which came in handy - especially when she was asleep. but she's getting so big now, and we thought that maybe it might be more fun for her to be able to sit up and see everything around her. and sure enough, she loved it.

we loaded up the tiny stroller basket with all our beach gear - towels, sun tent, my bag full of necessities - and wheeled over the sand till we found the perfect spot. after struggling a bit with the tent (which i'd only ever assembled once, and the hub hadn't ever even seen it), we spread out our towels, got everyone adequately sunblocked, and sat down to relax.

we hung out for two hours, during which we played with the bean, fed her, gave her a sippy cup of apple juice (organic, of course) for the first time, and just hung out and enjoyed the ocean breeze. but we hadn't planned it as perfectly as i'd liked, so we'd forgotten reading material, drinks, and snacks - and we got bored pretty quickly. and for some reason, we never even made it into the water! heh. oh well, next time. i'm thinking we'll head out there again next weekend, with the kid.

so since we still had time to kill before the ILs got there, we headed over to balboa island to walk through the shops and grab a snack. neither of us were in the mood for a balboa bar, so we ended up just grabbing green tea lemonades and cookies at starbucks and browsing through all the cute little stores. and in even sisters, i managed to scoop up an adorable julius tee and socks for the bean. i so love that small paul stuff is now available in infant sizes!

after we'd walked up and down that little street twice, we got back in the car and went on a mini-tour of the neighborhood. there are such cute little houses on balboa island, and we're debating looking for a vacation rental for a weekend in the summer.

when we finally got the call that the ILs were in the vicinity, we headed over to the crab cooker. because they're so predictable, i told the hub jokingly that i was totally going to laugh my ass off when they placed their order for their usual combination plate, and then suggest heading over to balboa fun zone for a balboa bar and a ride on the ferris wheel. when the ILs were in high school, their prom was at balboa pier, and so they have fond memories of it. the balboa bar and ferris wheel ride were things they did on prom night, and they make a point of walking down memory lane every time they're in the area. it's sweet, but it's such a crack-up. and this is ME - the queen of cheeseariffic sentimentality!

it was a lovely sunday, and a nice way to end the weekend.

freedom.

it's been a week since my post on forgiveness.  and i thank you for your kind words, your wisdom, and your positive vibes.  as silly as it may sound, because this is the internet after all, it touched my heart and gave me strength.

for my mom, it's been agonizing.  for my aunt, horrifying.  and for the rest of my family - well, i think it's been eye-opening.

and as for me?  it's certainly been a week of deep thought and soul-searching.  i've really considered the notion of forgiveness - taken it out and looked at it from all angles, played with it, put it away, and pulled it out again, only to repeat the process.  and i was fully prepared for it to take days, weeks, months, maybe even years to come to a conclusion. i've even finally learned to accept the word that describes exactly what i've been trying so hard to forget:  molestation.  ugly, ain't it?  well, that's fitting. and it's been quite a struggle for me, trying to decide whether i can be forgiving of something that should be unforgivable.  and yet i couldn't forget that my forgiveness could help others in their healing process, and i was stumped.

i couldn't really decide exactly how i felt about the whole thing - after all, this is something that's been in the back of my mind for 27 years.  i'd managed to forget about it almost completely for a chunk of that time, but the memories eventually resurfaced - although there are still bits and pieces that are fuzzy to me. 

however, there is one thing that i am completely, 1000% sure of - and that's that it happened.  it's not a figment of my imagination, i'm not making it all up in some insane bid for attention - and despite the fact that this uncle is refusing to own up to it (why would he?  what would he have to gain?), which in turn makes me look like a crazy liar, i'm finding love and support from members of my family who i haven't been close to in a long time.  and though it took a while for them to start opening up and expressing their feelings over it all, i couldn't blame them - after all, while i'd known about it for a long time, this was all brand new information for them.  and completely unexpected, at that.

but sadly, on the flip side, i'm also finding that there are others who seem to be more willing to believe the worst of me, rather than accept the truth for what it is. and that makes me sad, because family gatherings will never be the same again.

i started thinking about sermons at church on sundays by our pastor, who always seems to pick the perfect topics at the perfect time.  and on communion sundays, he almost always tells us "if there's someone who's done you wrong, if you're holding that in your heart, take a moment right now to think it through, and then let it go."  

i like that.  he isn't necessarily telling us to forgive, but more to look at it, give it some attention, and then allow it to fly away, like a bird let out of a cage.  and today, when i hopped in the shower to get ready for the day, this popped into my head.  it was perfect - because not only was i cleansing my body, but my mind as well.  i thought about how i'd already managed to make my peace with what had happened, moved on, and built a wonderful life for myself.  i remembered that opening this pandora's box with my family was done with a purpose - to make them aware, to open it up for discussion, and hopefully to prevent it from happening again.  

my aunt is in the denial stage, and progressing quickly to angry mode.  she's made it clear via e-mail to my family that she intends to stand by her man, and if we're going to shut him out, that'll have to go for her, too.  she stated that she has faith in him, that she's his wife and that won't ever change - and basically told us to STFU.  now, she doesn't read my blog, but what i'd really like to say to her is that she is still family.  if she refuses to see the truth, or decides to just brush it all off and forget she'd ever heard any of it, that's completely up to her.  it won't change the fact that she is still loved.  i hope that after she has time to let it all sink in, she'll realize that.

and then as i was jabbering at the bean while drying my hair, it was as though someone whispered in my ear:  "it's not your forgiveness that he needs."

and just like that, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

as i got the bean ready and jumped in the car to head to gymboree class, i thought about that statement again.  i knew it was absolutely right, and i totally teared up, and i smiled.  it ISN'T my forgiveness that this man needs.  if you believe in God, or some sort of higher power, you'll know what i mean.  so i did as the pastor said - i gave it the attention it needed, i made my peace with it, and i let it go.

and now i am free.

a day of unexpected little pleasures

i completely forgot that yesterday was not the bean's first audition - she went on one when she was two months old!  heh.  and that one was really badly timed - it was on the same day as her check-up and vaccinations, so she practically slept through the whole thing.  no wonder she never got a call-back.

her appointment at the casting agency was at 2:15, so i was totally dreading the drive home.  ugh.  i hate driving in traffic almost as i hate paying bills.  but i'd promised to be there, and MIL was all lined up to come and pick up the kid from school and take her to her tutoring session.  

the bean fell asleep at about 10 and ended up taking a two-hour nap.  this is great, although i was a little worried about all that driving time.  she's not a huge fan of sitting in the back seat by herself and i wasn't feeling up to an hour's worth of crying while i sat helplessly in traffic, you know?  

i decided to leave just before 1:00, so that i could see exactly where the office was and then grab something to eat.  and it was actually a really easy drive - which i'd expected at 1:00 in the afternoon heading INTO the west side.  and as we got off the freeway at los feliz, i noticed that just about every other car was sporting these colorful flags.  i thought, "ooh, is there a parade?"

i'm so stupid.  as we got closer to our destination i saw a sign for "little armenia" and remembered hearing on the news that there were rallies and protests and things going on to memorialize the armenian genocide.  yeah. it was genocide day.

anyway, i got to hollywood boulevard and found the casting agency's office - and it was only 1:30.  with 45 minutes to kill, i was sure i'd be able to find some lunch and get back with time to spare.

or not.

i ended up spending a good 25 minutes driving around aimlessly looking for something i could pick up at a drive-thru - the bean had, in fact, fallen asleep on the drive out, and i didn't want to wake her up.  she's always in the best mood right after a nap, so i wanted to be sure she'd be smiley and charming for the casting people.  

and after all that driving, i didn't find a damn thing.  so i just headed back towards the office and ended up having to circle the block several times because there wasn't a single parking spot open on the street.  ugh.  and the one spot that opened up was swooped on by some heffa who'd cut me off to get there.  

we ended up parking a little further away, in front of a u-haul rental and storage center, and as soon as we pulled up, a PACK of men looking for work started waving and whistling.  i just wagged my finger and shook my head, and they went back to smoking and shooting the shit in the shade.  

when we walked into the office, i could hear a baby screaming in a back room somewhere, and that bitch who'd stolen my parking spot was wheeling in a stroller behind us.  i just gave her the side eye and walked up to the desk to check in with the bored-looking receptionist.

"and who is this?"

i gave her the bean's name.

"and do you want to submit yourself as a mom, too?"

"yes, please."

"here's a form for each of you to fill out and you can attach her photo card if you have one."

i sat down to complete the forms and the bean babbled and smiled at all the other babies sitting in the room.  the call sheet had specified asian babies, but there were babies in all colors and flavors there.  

i handed the completed forms back to the receptionist and then got to work stripping the bean down to her diaper, per the instructions given on that call sheet.  i'd already heard one other mom slightly chastised for bringing her baby to the audition room fully clothed, and i sure as hell wasn't going to be *that* mom.  

a few minutes later, they were calling the bean's name, and we followed the casting agency dude through the hall to the back room, which was basically empty aside from a stool to put my bag on, a bit of lighting, and a white background for pictures with a towel on the floor.

our five-minute audition went a little something like this:

"okay, put her on the towel sitting up, facing the camera."

[bean laughs at the sight of the camera - obviously, she's used to it]

"now turn her to the side."

[at the sight of my smiling face, bean breaks into an huge, open-mouthed grin]

"and now the other side."

[bean looks confused at being spun around, sitting on a towel in nothing but her diaper, surrounded by white paper and two grown, strange men acting silly to get her to smile]

"pick her up and give her to ed so i can get a few shots of you now."

[bean takes one look at ed as he holds her, and her face crumples]

"give me a nice big smile, with teeth."

[bean shoots me a "help me, mommy!" look]

"okay, now a nice warm smile with mouth closed."

[i look STUPID smiling with my mouth closed.]

"turn to the side."

"turn to the other side."

[bean is crying quietly]

"okay, now take the baby and i'll get you two together."

[bean looks relieved]

"we're done, thank you very much.  NEXT!"

and that was it.  i went back out into the waiting area, put her dress back on, and decided to feed her before getting back into the car.  and the best part?  it was still only 2:15.

i sat and chatted with the other parents for about ten minutes while the bean happily nursed (hidden under the hooter hider, of course).  as we got back in the car and i strapped her back into her car seat, my stomach growled and grumbled noisily, but i ignored it - i wanted to get back onto the freeway and head home.

i passed a plethora of armenian-flag-waving cars as i drove back to the 5 freeway, and was thrilled to see that the traffic was flowing at normal speed.  whee!  as i merged onto the next freeway, i checked the navi, which told me that i could expect to be back home even before the kid got out of her tutoring session. double whee!  and to top it off, the bean had fallen asleep AGAIN.  fucking awesome! she's such a good baby.

and then we came to a complete stop.  shit.

i was even in the carpool lane!  but as i inched along, i noticed the cars in front of us getting over, so i did the same - and it wasn't long before i saw that there'd been a fender-bender not too far away.  the fireman standing in the lane held up his hand and motioned for the car behind me to stop, and that's when the CHP car lit up and began the traffic break.

RIGHT BEHIND ME.  yee-haw!  i watched the traffic just behind me come to a complete stop again as i gunned it and got back into the carpool lane at 80 mph.  muahahahahaha!

i managed to get all the way to my exit with some time to grab a snack at mcdonald's before the kid got out of tutoring.  i called MIL, who was surprised to hear that i was already back, and met up with her in the parking lot.  she came in to give the bean (who'd woken up at the smell of food) a kiss, and we sat there and waited for the kid.

it was fun to watch the look of surprise as she came out and saw me sitting there - i'd warned her that i could get stuck on the freeway till much later.  and MIL invited me to join them for their 4:00 mani/pedi appointment.  ha!

so we left her car in the parking lot while i drove us to the salon, where we sat side by side by side in the spa pedi chairs.  the two of them got both their fingers and toes done, while i sat with the bean in my lap and enjoyed a lovely surprise pedicure (and it was even MIL's treat!).

after it was done, we went on a target run, where we grabbed a drink at starbucks, walked the store, and picked up a few essentials.  and about ten minutes after we got home, the hub walked in the door.  

dinner at chili's completed our day.  we dropped MIL off at her car, headed home, and went to bed.

and now we wait to see if we get a call-back.  there were lots of babies there, so i'm going to just try and forget all about it.  the shoot is next thursday, so i figure if we don't hear anything by, say, monday, we'll just sit back and wait for the next audition!

just one more

i promise, this is the last of the nyc recaps.  and it wasn't all that exciting, but i'm going to blog it anyway.  because i can.

we were bound and determined to get up early enough to make it back out to rockefeller center for the daily taping of the "today" show.  so we were all up and getting ready at 7:30, and by 8:00 we were all showered, pretty, packed, and checked out of the hotel.  we left our luggage in storage, strapped the bean in the carrier, and off we were.

we had one errand to run first - dropping the keys off at the janky apartment that we'd paid for in full but never stayed in.  bleh.  so we made our way to times square, up 47th street, and in the apartment, we dropped the keys on the table and left.  i was a little nervous about this, because there was no way to lock the door from the outside, but that's what we were told to do by the owner.  i tried and tried to reach her to confirm it, but i kept getting voice mail, and the stupid voice mailbox was full - so i couldn't even leave a message.  

anyway, there was a "doorman" - some pervy looking dude with a dunlap belly wearing a shirt so tight, the buttons were begging for mercy.  and the front door required either a key or to be buzzed in, so after confirming with the hub (who was in between meetings), i just said "eh, fuck it" and we left.

when we finally made it to rockefeller center, the "today" show was well underway, and there was a small crowd outside the studio, waving signs and cheering loudly whenever the camera swung their way.  we'd stopped at the local duane reade so that the kid could make a poster to wave, but they didn't have any posterboards. 

 

we made our way around the plaza and found spots in front of the outside set, which was set up with two cooking stations, each adorned with the logos of the miami and new york city fire departments.  and there were lots of hot firemen standing around, beating eggs and chopping up fruit.  

we did see al roker (this is a REALLY blurry picture, but my camera was being a bitch and that al was being a damn spaz), as well as kathie lee and her co-host with a weird name that i can't remember.  

we hung out for a while, watching and listening, but the smell of the breakfast that those firemen were so busy whipping up really got to us.  we hadn't stopped for any kind of sustenance, and eventually the kid turned around and said "how important is this to you?"

well hell, i didn't really give a shit.  i told her that we were only there as long as she was interested in it, and at that, we bounced.

we ended up having sandwiches at a deli down in the bowels of rockefeller center, and then it was time to catch a cab back to the hotel to scoop up our luggage and get to the airport.  MIL's flight was actually an hour before ours, and we didn't know what kind of traffic to expect, so we wanted to make sure we gave ourselves plenty of time.  nor did we want to go separately and end up paying twice, just for an extra hour of play time in the city.  

the doorman at the hotel offered to either hail us a cab or use the hotel's driver, who was waiting outside in an escalade.  "a cab will run you $45 plus tolls and tip, and the car is $65, all inclusive," he said.  "even with two stops at the airport?" we asked.  and he confirmed that yes, that would be no problem.  so we chose the luxury ride over a dirty cab and hopped in.

of course, once we dropped off MIL at the delta terminal and got to the american terminal (thank the lawd, our flight was NOT one of the 600+ flights cancelled nationwide) and handed the driver his $65, he counted the bills and said "it's gonna be an extra $10 for the 2nd stop."

what. the. fuck.  i told him that the doorman had assured us it was all inclusive, and he said "nope, he got it wrong.  it's $10 more."

son of a bitch.  and that fucker had my suitcase firmly in hand.  so i forked over the extra cash, snatched my bag up, and stomped my ass into the terminal to check in. i didn't have the patience to stand there and argue with that asshole.  

i was in a pissy mood until after we checked in our bags, got past the security checkpoint, and found this.

and the kid would kill me if she knew i'd posted this, but it cracked me up (no pun intended).

when we got to the gate and got settled, there was one other woman sitting there (that's how early we were).  upon seeing the bean, she came right over, touching her hair and her hands, clucking and cooing over her, and talking to her in a super secret language.  she was harmless, but got annoying after a while.  finally she left in search of a snack and a beverage, so we settled down and got comfy.

but it wasn't long before she came back, lamenting the long lines at starbucks and asking us if we knew what was going to be available for food on the plane.  and then she said "do you have a cellular phone?  i don't have one, but i really want to call my neighbor to tell her that i'm leaving.  i'm going to australia for two weeks and i don't want her to worry about me."

and of course, i'd just finished talking to the hub, so the damn phone was in my hand, in plain sight.  so after exchanging a look with the kid, i handed it over and she thanked me while pulling out her glasses from her bag.  the kid offered to dial the number for her, and after about a dozen tries (she kept getting a "disconnected" message), she gave up and thanked us again.

a few minutes later, we saw her asking another family sitting next to her if they had a cellular phone so she could call her neighbor.  the kid and i cracked up, and then decided to get the hell outta dodge and peruse the shops before she came back to us for another crack at her phone call.

we managed to kill enough time so that when we returned to the gate, the first class passengers had already boarded the plane (the lady was one of them, happily), and it was only a few more minutes before it was our turn.

seated across the aisle from us was a single girl with a 7-month-old baby boy.  "we're laying over at lax for about four hours before we board the next plane to sydney," she told us.  holy shit.  she was going on another plane for another 14 hours, alone, juggling a baby and her carry-on bag.  "but at least on the next plane, we'll have a bassinet."  yay for her!  :|

the kid took a few pictures while we got through the safety video and takeoff, and then she settled back with her knitting (yup, that's right - the kid likes to knit!) while i tried to get the bean to relax and go to sleep.  of course, she thought it was playtime, and she spent the first two and a half hours of the flight babbling, chewing on her toys, and flirting with her new boyfriend across the aisle (who flirted right back).

she finally fell asleep just as the movie was starting - national treasure 2, which i actually wanted to see (i think i'm one of about 24 people who would admit to this).  and she slept right on through till we landed, and she lit up and smiled nice and pretty for her daddy, who was waiting for us at the baggage carousels.

we ended our day with dinner at california pizza kitchen - trying to kill time while letting traffic die down.  and as much fun as we'd had in the big apple, it was nice to finally come home and fall into our own beds for a good night's sleep.

yay!  all done!  see, that wasn't so bad.

this just in!

the bean has her first audition tomorrow afternoon. whee!

the agent said "it doesn't pay much..." and i bit my tongue to keep from blurting out "i don't care, i just want to see my baby in a magazine." hahaha!

and even better, they're also looking for "real moms" to use in the same ad(s). heh. i better put something nice on.

so, tomorrow at 2:15, we'll be somewhere on hollywood boulevard. if you can, send us some "get the job!" vibes ;)

does barry manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

the kid got two hours' worth of detention. she served the first half of her time yesterday. heh.

apparently, she got written up for "disrespectful behavior." she actually told me about the incident the day it happened, which was probably a week or so before spring break. and it was really lame - her math teacher was having a shitty day, the kids were probably getting on her nerves, and she snapped at a couple of the kid's classmates for tapping their ruler on the desk.

and what does my brilliant, angry kid do?

mm-hmmm. she picked up her ruler and tapped it on her desk. sheesh.

anyway, she and the other kids had to return to the classroom after school, and when she got there she was told to write a letter of apology to the teacher. she specified exactly what she wanted to read in this letter, and it was due back the next day, with a parent's signature.

she wrote it, i signed it, and she turned it in. and then we had our fun trip and forgot all about it.

then on monday, she got in the car looking like this: :| and then she handed me a slip of paper with her detention assignment on it. she was so bummed and angry at herself, and i could see how she was dreading my reaction. so i kept it light - we talked about what she'd done again, i told her that she really needed to keep her anger in check and that i was disappointed, and mentioned that she needed to keep a book in her bag so that she could get a head start on the next book report for english class.

she told me that when she was sent to the assistant principal's office to pick up the slip, she was really nervous. y'all know she's generally a good girl, so she'd never had to do that before. and the AP looked at her and said "you've never been here before, but i recognize you. you're so not a bad kid! hey, you were the one that gave me those yummy pretzels at christmas!"

bwahahahahaha!

and then she said "okay, take this paper, stamp it, and then you can go back to class." at the kid's blank look, she said "oh my goodness. you don't even know where the stamp is, do you? you really aren't a bad kid. here, i'll show you."

so yesterday she sat for an hour after school in detention, where the teacher kept calling her another name that rhymes with her real name (like, if her name was "monique" she called her "unique") and she had to copy text out of a book. how lame. at least they could let them do homework or something actually useful.

and then after i picked her up yesterday, brought her home to do her homework and grabbed a snack, we went to old navy and did some bathing suit shopping.

talk about punishment.

i love weddings.

so on saturday, the hub and i dropped off the bean with the ILs and headed to ontario airport to hop a plane to phoenix. the wedding i did those boxed invitations (and save-the-dates, weekend itineraries, programs, place cards, and table cards) for was finally here, and i was looking forward to a gorgeous event in a venue that the hub swears is ab-fab. well, he didn't use that term, but you get what i mean.

of course, this being the first time i was being separated from the bean for more than a few hours (fourteen! FOURTEEN long hours), i totally cried as i waved at her and we pulled away. i tried really hard to keep it on the d/l and sniff really quietly, but the hub's no fool - the moment he noticed i was turned away from him, he poked me in the side and said "are you crying?? bwahahahahaha, you wuss!"

fucker.

so anyway, i was bringing the bridal couple's order of thank-you notes with me, which i still had to fold and box. and of course, i'd forgotten to grab some tissue at home, so since we were a little ahead of schedule, i had the hub swing by a nearby target so i could go in and pick some up. and he totally redeemed himself in my eyes for laughing at me when i got back in the car and noticed that he'd gone to the starbucks drive-thru while i was inside. mmmm, caramel macchiato. it was EXACTLY what i needed. i sucked that shit down like it was going outta style.

and after finding parking, going up the escalator and through the security checkpoint (traveling is SO easy when you don't have any bags aside from your purse!) and taking a seat at our gate, i had time to assemble the box of thank-you notes, complete with pretty tissue paper and ribbon. yay for me! the hub helped me out, and then gave me the eye when i whipped out the camera.

and then it was time to get on the plane for our 47-minute flight. i took another picture here, but it's kind of shitty, so i'll spare you the horror.

in phoenix, we were supposed to be met at the bottom of the escalator by a driver who was going to take us straight to silverleaf club, the wedding venue. silverleaf actually does have a website, but it's for members only, so i'll save you a click and skip the link here. anyway, the car had been arranged by the hub's assistant, who's been fucking up lately, so i was already a little skeptical of how smoothly this was going to go. she'd sent him an e-mail to say that the car was all set, but of course, didn't provide the name of the car company nor their phone number.

and sure enough, when we arrived, there wasn't a single soul waiting at the escalator. we walked from one end of the terminal to the other, and still - no driver. i was eyeing the line of waiting taxis outside, but the hub knew that the car company already had his credit card information, so he called his assistant, got the number, and we finally found our driver. see?

inside the car, i pointed at this and said "ooh, sh-wank-ay!" i got the side eye again.


we arrived at the club and were, like, two hours early. we decided to wander around the grounds, which were as gorgeous as the hub promised they were. and then we found the ceremony site.
we totally cheated, because we snuck a peek at the room where the reception was being set up by a handful of very busy employees. and then we heard voices, followed them, and found the bride and groom with their parents and wedding party, taking pre-ceremony pictures. i snapped a few of my own before the DOC came up and very politely but firmly asked us to go and grab a refreshment in the bar. ha!


so like naughty little wedding guests who'd been caught with our hand in the cookie jar, we followed her to the bar with our tails tucked between our legs. we ordered lemonades and sat back to watch the end of the basketball playoff game between the suns and the spurs. and because we'd skipped breakfast, we powered through the little bowls of snacks. i liked the pretzels shaped into golf tees.


and then finally, it was time to head down to the ceremony site and wait for the fun to start. i was stupidly pleased to see everyone clutching a wedding program and accepted one from the attendants, even though i had that thing practically memorized. but what would i have said - "i made them, so i don't need one."?


i loved that the parasols at every other seat perfectly matched the rose petals that were scattered in the aisle. and of course, i was excited that mine perfectly matched my outfit. it's like they knew.

and i'd agonized for a full week over what to wear - i didn't want to buy anything new, but i was afraid that the dress i wanted to wear was too casual. but no worries - i noticed lots of other folks in much more casual attire. hell, the chick sitting next to the hub was wearing a brown tank dress with matching platform flip-flops. ew.

sadly, i can't post any pictures of the actual ceremony, because i couldn't see a damn thing and the ones i did manage to snap off kind of suck. but the official wedding photographer posted some of her beautiful shots here. and trust me, it was a gorgeous wedding. they couldn't have picked a more perfect, beautiful day to start their lives together.

they'd chosen to give each couple a bright, happy gerber daisy with the escort card pinned to the center. the bride's mom told me about them during the planning process, but it was really cool to see the finished product.


the reception was set up with three very long tables, so they were broken up into "sections" and everyone was seated on the "east" or "west" side. of course, we were WESS-SIIIIIIIDE! represent (oh, that was so bad)! and the set-up of the tables was beautiful. went perfectly with their italian -themed dinner.


the favors turned out to be little boxes of godiva "chocoiste" dark chocolate mint pearls. so yummy! and i totally grubbed down on the antipasti platter. salami? good. cheese? good. roasted asparagus? gooooood.


as we'd gone through the receiving line, the groom shared with us that he was a little nervous about their first dance. they were doing something choreographed to earth wind & fire's "september" - a song i really love (and was amused to read later on the plane that it was also beyonce & jay-z's first dance song). i'm not usually a big fan of choreographed first dances, but theirs was really cute and the guests enjoyed it immensely.


the best man, who was the groom's brother, made a really cute toast that he based on jeff foxworthy's "you might be a redneck" bit. stuff like "if you took a golf ball, stuffed it with gunpowder, and nearly blew your own face off...you might be the groom." he did an awesome job, and so did the maid of honor - the bride's sister. she'd written her toast in rhyme, and it was funny and sweet and brought a tear or two to my eye.

dinner was lovely, and we were sad to note that it was already time for the car to pick us up to take us to the airport. i was especially bummed to leave before dessert was served - we all know how much i love dessert. although strawberry profiteroles were on the menu card, and there was no wedding cake in sight, so i wasn't sad for TOO long. heh. however, i was a little bummed not to be able to take advantage of this:


and by this time, after hours upon hours of not being able to nurse the bean (nor did i have a pump with me, because where in the hell would i have put it?), i was DYING. i swear, my poor boobs were like fucking rocks. i don't know what the hell i'm going to do when it's time to stop breastfeeding. i whined about it to the hub and while i didn't get much sympathy, it was funny to watch his reaction.

after a short and uneventful flight home, we hopped into the car and headed back up to wrightwood, where i was thrilled to find the bean awake and hungry, even though it was midnight. actually, so were we - we stopped at mickey d's for a couple of filet o'fish combos before heading up the mountain!

whee! one wedding down, two more to go.