reality check

one of my oldest and dearest friends, MommyBelle (no, i don't mean that she's old as dirt or anything, i've just known her forever), gave me a great little pep talk yesterday that made me realize that perhaps i've made it sound as though i'm thinking that i'm going to be part of a brand-new big ol' happy family.

fuck no. past history has taught me a lesson that's going to be damn hard to forget.

while i'm cautiously excited about having reconnected with dear ol' dad (via telephone, at least), i haven't forgotten that this could have happened a hell of a long time ago. when i'd fled the house of evil (the ex's, of course) so many years ago, with only the things i truly needed, i'd left behind tons and tons of stuff - like address books, the teen's baby book and pictures, my own box of childhood pictures, and other sentimental crap like that. the ex was pretty bitter and angry back then and wouldn't let me go back to pick up anything i'd left behind. and bio-dad was always freakishly paranoid about keeping his number and address unlisted. so i had no way of finding him - but he still had my information.

i still think it's odd - why would auntie random have decided to find me now? especially since she's taking off for BFE (sorry, ssinca!) next weekend. it's not like we were going to be able to build any kind of lasting relationship. and she's been in that house since 19-freaking-90 - only a half-hour's drive away.

and bio-dad's excuse of "we've been so busy, sorry we didn't call sooner" was weak. "busy"? for twelve freaking years? as nanette says, lame-dash-o.

oh, well. i'm just going to take MB's words to heart and take it slowly. we'll see what happens as time goes by and bio-dad's return to the states gets closer. i already sent him an e-mail yesterday with some pictures of the wan family, and i haven't heard back from him yet. shocker.

thanks, MB, for pulling me back down to earth.

oh, and i love you, too!