i'm at a loss for words

i just received news of the passing of a family member, who'd been suffering from cancer for the last year or so. it seems that halloween is a sad time for our family, as the anniversary of my uncle's passing (also from cancer) is tomorrow.

i am overcome with sadness - she was a warm, kind woman who faced her illness with strength and optimism. and she leaves behind a husband who loved her tremendously, as well as two little boys, both still in elementary school. oh, my goodness, those boys are now facing life without their mommy, who they adored. i can't even find the proper words to express how heartsick i feel over their loss. and it makes me hold the bean a little tighter as she sleeps, and look forward to giving the teen a huge hug when i pick her up in a couple of hours.

however, this leaves me facing a bit of a dilemma. you see, this lady was married to one of the sons of the man who molested me. and since that revelation and subsequent mud-slinging earlier this year, relations with my aunt have been non-existent, at least for me. i only heard the sad news because my mom forwarded me the e-mail that was sent out this morning. and i really want to pay my respects, as this has nothing to do with that family drama, not to mention that i genuinely liked and respected this woman a great deal.

but i worry that my presence will do more harm than good. the last thing i want to do is to be disruptive. i could just plan to slip in and stay in the very back, and try to sneak back out as quietly as possible afterwards, right? i just don't feel right not attending at all, and yet i fear the possibility of upsetting anyone by being there.

rest in peace, M. i know you'll be watching over your boys, and they'll always have wonderful memories of how much you loved them. and may god grant R the strength to go on without you. you were an awesome and loving mom and wife, and you will be incredibly, exceedingly missed.