daughters, be good to your mother

my daughters are growing up fast. too damn fast.

i spent a good chunk of the afternoon at the high school, taking care of the teen's registration, picking up her schedule, scooping up her textbooks, buying her ASB card and P.E. uniform, all that jazz. she's off with BFF and her family at the beach for the week and the first day of school is next week.

her first day as a freshman. in HIGH SCHOOL. holy shit. really?? seems like just yesterday i was taking her to her first day of kindergarten. damn.

and then there's the bean, who's learning new words and becoming more and more of a little girl vs. a toddler every day. if we say "i love you," she smiles and says "too!" she can count from one to ten. the little shape toys (circle, square, rectangle, star, etc.) are easily dropped into their corresponding holes with her little fingers. she dances around, wiggling her hips and doing the white-man pointing.

i've also gotta remember to watch what i say these days, because she's a little echo. we were watching "blue's clues," and joe said "where do we put the toys?" i muttered under my breath "up your butt," and then i heard a little voice say "butt!" i looked over and the bean was grinning at me and pointing to her tushie. i was watching the news during a particularly effed-up story, remarked "oh, that sucks," and sure enough, that little voice piped up: "sucks!"

oops.

so i'm working on the bean's 2-year photo album, and it's so much fun coming across all these pictures of my two girls. i love a good trip down memory lane, which of course always leads to some serious reminiscing.

i thought of how anti-baby the teen had been, back in the day. and i couldn't blame her - she'd been the cherished only child for elevenish years, with all of our attention focused on her. sometimes this worked in her favor, sometimes not so much. heh. and she spent the majority of my pregnancy torn between concern for my well-being and probably worrying that she'd fall down a notch or two once the bean was born (which, of course, would never happen no matter what). and even after the blessed event occurred, she was still a little blasé about the whole thing. it took her a little while to warm up to the squirmy little being that was her baby sister. but as i predicted, before long, she was in love with her just as much as the hub and i were.

and as the bean got bigger, more mobile, and more fun to play with, her bond with her sister got stronger and stronger. hell, i'm pretty sure that when that every other friday rolls around these days, the teen is more excited to see the bean than anyone else. but you know what? that's pretty awesome.

i had a minor panic attack a few weeks ago, as i thought about the relationship i enjoy with the teen. because when the bean is the same age the teen is now, i'm going to be as old as MIL is now.

that's fucking creepy, yo.

how on earth am i going to keep up with a 14-year-old when i'm FIFTY?? it makes me want to cry or puke or something just thinking about it. i'm so not gonna be cool. and the poor bean is gonna have an old ass mom! ack! her friends are totally going to make fun of her. dang.

thank god she'll have a sister who'll take her to concerts (i wonder who the bean's jonas brothers will be?) and go shopping and do fun stuff with. someone who won't be all crotchety and wear bifocals and support hose and keep her teeth in a glass on the bedside table.

i have such high hopes for my girls. i hope they're blessed with lives as full and wonderful (and even more so) than my own, and i pray to all that is holy that it comes to them in a much easier way than it did for me. of course, the twists and turns and mistakes and difficult choices i've faced in my years have only served to make me who i am today, and i do love me a lot. i just hope they don't have to go through as much shit as i did to get to the good stuff.

in the two short years that they've been together, they've already built up a whole lotta love that i know will carry them through the rest of their lives. and they're certainly no slouch at sharing that love with the rest of us. life is so much fun with these beautiful, awesome little ladies, and every day is such a gift.

i am one lucky mom.