scale = 1, wan's willpower = 0

holy shit - happy december!

okay, so all the shit i've been eating is starting to catch up with me. i make the fatal mistake of stepping on the bathroom scale every morning before i hop in the shower, and some days i do a happy little dance and fist pump. but on other days, i stomp my foot like an angry 3-year-old, flip off the scale with both hands, and flounce into the shower in a bitter huff.

lately, the latter has been occurring far more often than the former. gah! i'm realizing that i either need to lay off the crap i love to chow down on, or start getting active. otherwise, i risk the awful possibility of that number continuing to climb while my "protective layer" grows ever thicker. the weird part is that my clothes still fit just fine, but i can see the difference when i look in the mirror. it's not such a pretty sight these days.

and the timing! the timing is plain sucky, with the holidays in full force and all the goodies that go with them everywhere i turn. i have zero willpower when it comes to munching on treats that i love, and when they're as plentiful as they are right now (not to mention the fact that there are always those once-a-year holiday morsels around), my weight is in serious danger. danger, folks!

so yesterday morning, i resolved to be more careful about what i eat and dust off that 30-day shred DVD that's been shoved into the back of a drawer somewhere.

but then yesterday afternoon, what did i do? i grabbed a mcrib for lunch and then proceeded to fulfill a wish that the teen had made over the weekend - by busting out the ingredients to make a batch of fantasy fudge. oy vey. i really suck at this.

and yes, that's some ghetto ass marshmallow creme. i did my shopping at fresh & easy and for some reason, they carried neither the kraft jet-puffed marshmallow creme nor the OG marshmallow "fluff." and being too lazy to stop at another store just for that one item, i just bought what they had.

even worse, i'd seen a post on twitter that served as my inspiration for bacon fudge. now, of course, since the fudge was for the teen, i pulled out a smaller pan to use for that experiment. i figured i could just use a small portion of it and leave the rest for her to enjoy and share with her friends.

i dumped the sugar, butter, and evaporated milk into my saucepan and started stirring over a medium flame.

as it came together and finally started to boil, the teen came over to check it out and looked up at me in alarm. "that's going to be regular chocolate, right, mom?" heh. of course.

i threw a few strips of bacon under the broiler to crisp. it looks burnt in this picture, but i promise you, it's not.

when it was time, i quelled the teen's concerns and poured in a bag of chocolate chips:

that ghetto marshmallow creme got scooped into the pan to join the party.

it took quite a bit of stirring to get it all melted and incorporated.

but i worked at it and it all came together nicely. and oh my, it smelled fabulous.

i poured a little into my loaf pan, which i'd lined with foil for easy (read: lazy) cleanup, and then topped it with the bacon.

after i'd pressed the slices into place, i topped them with a bit more fudge.

the rest of it got poured into a separate (meatless) pan, for the teen.

after letting it sit around to cool and solidify, i pulled the bacon fudge out of the pan and cut into it.

i took a bite and it was really yummy. it had the perfect texture, the marshmallow added a delicious, creamy flavor, and the hit of smoky flavor from the bacon was a scrumptious surprise. mmmm.

looks like i'll be making a new year's resolution for the first time in ages - operation whittle down wan, 2010!