sadly grateful

if you've been reading for a while, you may remember that while i was pregnant with the bean, the hub took off on a 2-week trip to zimbabwe with a group from our church. it was a life-changing and eye-opening time for him, and while i missed him like mad, i knew it was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of experience that he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

during the trip (and in the months of planning, preparation, and countless meetings prior), he'd gotten to know the rest of the group quite well. they leaned on each other for support and motivation, and became quite a tight-knit little family. we hosted a thanksgiving dinner for the whole group and their family members that year, which was a fantastic evening. they're all wonderful, beautiful, funny, and sweet, but as it so often does, life moves on and we've not seen them a whole lot lately.

but the last few weeks have brought some super sad news about one of the ladies' husbands. he'd been sick on and off since last november or so, and then, to add insult to injury, lost his job. on top of that, as if they didn't have enough to deal with, his doctors delivered another huge blow: the big "C." it's just terrible. this family is just so fantastic, and the handful of times i've spent with them have been so happy and cheerful. it's hard to believe that this could be happening to this man, who i always picture as incredibly strong, happy-go-lucky, jolly.

cancer - such an ugly word. and yet so horribly common - i'd be willing to bet that every single one of you has been touched by the awfulness of this disease in some way, whether it's a family member, a friend, a co-worker. maybe your loved ones have fought like hell and beat that bitch...or perhaps you've had to say goodbye. either way, there ain't nothing happy about cancer.

and this morning, we got word that the news from yesterday's surgery was the worst-case scenario. they got him in the operating room, went in to check things out, and discovered that the cancer had spread everywhere. there's literally nothing they can do to fix it. and they sent him home to be with his family and make him as comfortable as possible in anticipation of the inevitable.

i cannot even imagine what they must be going through right now. i know that the hub has been in touch with them, as have the ILs (who are in their weekly sunday school class). i've sent up countless prayers for them, and my heart just aches not only for what they're facing today, but for all that they'll be dealing with in the weeks and months ahead.

all this makes me just want to hold my family tight and never let go. it reinforces the fact that nothing is more important. no new phone, house, that pair of awesome shoes in the store window, none of the material crap in the whole world matters for shit when all is not right in one's world. it's sad when it takes something like this to hammer home how blessed we are, and yet i suppose it's kind of okay to be grateful for what we have as we grieve for others and share in their pain.

that is some effed-up shit though, man. for real.