old ass mofo

so i still remember how i felt ten years ago, when i turned 29 and was facing the end of my twenties.  i'd heard that for some folks, it was harder than the actual milestone birthday - and they were totally right.  i was super sad that i was getting OLD.  heh.

so fast-forward to today, and i'm staring 40 right in the face.  holy shit.  where did the last decade go?

oh, yeah.  i got married, had a baby, bought a house.  whee!

but i have to admit, i'm kinda really freaked out about this next stage of my life.  aside from the awesome stuff i just mentioned, what the hell else have i done with myself?  i'm kind of a loser.  dudes, i'm thirty-nine years old and i sell cupcakes for a living.  really?  somehow, i always thought i'd be such a rock star when i grew up.  but don't get me wrong - i truly enjoy my job.  it's super fun and i have a great time every day - my boss is fantastic, all of my co-workers are awesome, and duh - i'm surrounded by cupcakes.  it's a sweet job (hardy har har).  but still...i guess i thought i'd have a "real" career at this stage of my life.

i suppose that turning a corner into another decade will always make me stop and reflect back on my life thus far (ohmygodthenexttimeidothisillbealmostFIFTYholyshit).  everyone does that, right?  and somehow, we focus on the bad shit before we can reel it in and remember how good we actually have it.  i'm allowed to wallow a little, as long as i go back to my normal, optimistic, happy self.

so i'm determined to make the next year a really fabulous one.  i don't know what that means yet, but i'm sure gonna find out.  and i've already taken the first step - the teen and i have decided to train and run the disneyland half marathon.  it's next september, just days before i turn the big four-oh.  that should be a good amount of time for us to build up our endurance, maybe run some 5K or 10K races in the meantime too.  it'd be great to start the next decade in the best shape of my life, yeah?

and while cleaning out some boxes in the garage, i came across some really fun old photos of myself.  well, i guess they are, if fun = horrifically embarrassing and humiliating.  ha!  and because my scanner isn't working properly, i went all ga-hetto and took pictures of them to share with you.  check this out.

the early years:

the beginning of that awful, awkward stage:

my cousin seven will appreciate this one:

high school.  that's right (look at my pretty mommy!).

posing on the hood of my boyfriend's car.  we used to stuff half of the varsity cheer squad in the back seat of this thing.  do you love the big ass 80's hair and hi-top, velcro'ed reeboks? 

 one of my very first office jobs.  i was all of about 18 here.

hawt, yes?  i know.  i KNOW.

who took glamour shots?  i know some of you fools have photos like this somewhere in your archives.

i'm cringing just looking at that.  and here, a portrait i was going to use on my wedding planning business cards:

you'd have hired me to coordinate your wedding, wouldn't you?  i would totally hire me.  who wouldn't want those bangs present on their special day?  she bangs.  she bangs!

proud mama bear.  yes, that's the teen. 

four generations!

okay, that's quite enough.  i'm going to go cry now.  i was a lot cuter (and skinnier) ten years ago.  dang.

just kidding.  i'm too excited about being birthday princess tomorrow to let that shit get me down for too long.  woohoo!

p.s. happy birthday, little sister.  i still think about you and wonder what life would've been like with you around.  you'd have been getting pretty damn old by now too, had you lived.  love you!