you like me, you really like me

wow!  you guys really know how to show a girl some love.  as much as i wasn't feeling it as i wrote yesterday's post, this frown was definitely turned upside-down with every new comment notification i received.  thank you - it really made my week!

turning it into an "ask me anything" kinda post brought out some great questions, and i'll do my best to answer them.  here we go:

BMB said...

How do you get the Bean to agree to have her hair done every day? I have a 4 year-old bean of my own, and you all are putting our hair dos (which is just a headband) to shame.

ha!  you are too kind.  actually, i was just thinking the other day that we really need to come up with some new 'do ideas for her.  seems like she's been living in two braids for months.  and in the cooler months, all i ever do is pull back two little ponytails on the side with the rest down.

but to answer your question, i just keep her distracted - like in the morning, she's usually eating breakfast as i brush her hair.  and after her bath, i sit her down in front of a favorite show and wrangle that long, thick mane into a loose braid that keeps it tangle-free as she sleeps.  give your bean a toy or let her watch a show as you work, and hopefully that'll do the trick for you too.

MD said...

Can we have coffee next time you're in the SD area? (See what I did there?) ;)

um, YES.  i'm eyeing an 80s themed 5K in san diego, late october. you free?

Nicole said...

Hi, I have been reading for a while and haven't gotten up the nerve to comment. I think we actually live close by, so that's fun! I have a 16 month old son. What were some good place/activities that you found for your daughter to do when she was that age?

ah, we're neighbors!  fun!  at that age, we were doing gymboree classes.  we actually started them earlier - like when she was an infant - but 16 months is a great age for that.  in a couple of months, you can start a parent & me gymnastics class too!  storytime at the library is also a good one, they have a session geared towards the little ones and another for toddler-aged kids.  and it's free!  if you want more detailed information, feel free to email me.  since you de-lurked, we're obviously buddies now.

Laredo said...

I read your blog a lot, but less lately, only because it focuses a lot on the Bean and kids just aren't my thing right now. I liked it a little better when there was more variety.

this is awesome feedback, because i'd actually been feeling like the blog was rather bean-centric lately. i appreciate the kick in the ass.  i'll do my best to switch it up more, i promise.

klf214 said...

Hi Wan, I read your blog everyday! I am curious about your relationship with the teen's dad and stepmom. Do you get along and interact? I am going to be a stepmom to a little girl who is the bean's age. I would like to have a bean of my own someday, but things are pretty difficult with the bio mom right now. Any thoughts or advice you have would be great. Keep posting please :)

that's a relationship that's been a hell of a rollercoaster over the last decade or so, for real, yo.  it's seriously been 50 shades of crazy, but i'm happy to report that it's been civil and actually quite cordial over the last few years.  we're not going out to have coffee together or anything like that, and i'm sure he disagrees with some of the things we do just as much as i completely judge some of the shit he pulls, but for now it's okay.  the best advice i can give you is to encourage your husband to keep his daughter's best interests in mind and put them far ahead of his own wants.  it's hard to raise kids as it is, and making life difficult for the other parent is just miserable.  please feel free to email me if you want to talk more in detail.

Miss Jill and Mister John said...

As a mom of a teen as well as a mom of a preschooler... what's your best parenting advice? What do you wish you'd have done differently?

what i've learned is that the "don't be your kid's friend, be their parent" advice isn't a catchall when it comes to nurturing a fabulous relationship.  i feel like you can be both quite successfully.  the teen and i really enjoy each other's company (yes, even at this age).  i know when to back off with her, and she knows how far she can push things before it all turns to shit.  it's definitely not all puppies and rainbows, and while i hate when i have to drop the hammer, i do it.  but because we've spent years learning how the other thinks, the day-to-day is easy and fun.  although i admit, if i could do it all over again, i'd push a lot harder with her father about getting involved in extracurricular activities.  that's probably the one thing i would love a rewind-and-re-do on.

falon said...

I read erry-day!

I'm from maryland and live in Crofton. I think i read that you lived here at one point? What part and ever plan on returning?

yes!  i was actually born in new york and then we lived in maryland (first pasadena, then arnold) for about five years.  my godparents still live in arnold, although the last time i visited them i was the teen's age (yikes).  during our crazy east coast road trip a couple of years ago, we drove through maryland but didn't have time to stop.  one day i think it'd be fun to go, enjoy some crab, and drive by our old houses.  believe it or not, i still remember our addresses - funny how those little things you memorize as a little kid really do stick.

Tracy said...

Checking in from Ottawa, Canada! I've been a stalker for quite some time, I guess it's time to come out of shadows. Love reading your blog, please keep up the great work. I have a question...what does your husband think about the blog? Is he just camera shy or does he miss out on all the cool adventures?

sometimes i wonder if people think the hub is a fictional character, heh.  he's never really been a huge fan of me putting my life out there on the internet.  he doesn't do any social media either.  it's not that he doesn't play on the internet, he just likes to keep his shit personal.  this was actually a pretty big point of contention for us until he finally understood that blogging is something i really enjoy doing.  and i promised him that i would keep pictures of him to a minimum.  so no, he's not camera shy at all - although because he works hard for the money that i spend so gleefully, he does indeed miss a lot of our crazier outings.  like, he'll happily sit out a jonas brothers anything.  but we do lots of other things together, so it all balances out.

Melissa said...

Any guidance for someone looking to blog?

Just started a blog to keep track of the kids activities and fun things they say.

i can tell you that what i love most about blogging is telling stories about the stuff we do - whether it's mundane, everyday things or fun events that i enjoy sharing.  write your posts in your own voice, as if you were talking to your best friend.  make sure you keep specific details about where you live/work/etc. out of it, and don't put your full name out there.  it's not hard for random strangers to hit up google with some basic personal info, and unfortunately we live in a time when terrible things can happen.  but have fun with it, and if you're looking to increase your traffic a good tip i learned is to read other blogs and comment on them.  most bloggers will click back to learn about their readers, and i've found some awesome reads this way.  good luck!

Bridget said...

If you're comfortable talking about it, I would love to hear about the custody arrangement you have for the teen with your ex-husband. My husband and I are splitting up (his choice, not mine), and we have a 14-month-old daughter. From little comments you've said here and there, it seems like the teen splits her time between you pretty equally. My soon-to-be-ex is convinced that it can't work like that. i would love to hear your perspective since you've actually been there. Thanks!!

well, as i mentioned before, the ex and i have come a looooooong way.  he was pretty bitter when i first left, and in fact the first year of our separation the teen spent most of her time with me.  he worked some long, unpredictable hours and typically spent his weekends on his own, sprinkling visits with her here and there.  so it was a big shock to me when he picked her up from the first friday of school on a scheduled visit, called me, and said "okay, i'm keeping her for the week.  you can pick her up next friday, and we'll just do it like that from now on."  he refused to budge, and nothing i said changed his mind.  and so for the teen, week-on/week-off has gone on her entire life, and it's all she's ever known.  it was really tough in the beginning after always having her with me, but i got used to it.  i'm cool with discussing in more detail if you're interested, so email me anytime.

"ask me anything" almost seems a little silly, because it's not like my life hasn't already been an open book 'round these parts.  but i've been blogging for almost six years (!!!), so all my oversharing has been spread out over a long period of time.  ha!

and as for the rest of you - thank you.  i really do appreciate that you read my ramblings, and i'm such a narcissist that you know it'll continue on for as long as you'll let me.  whether you're my chopped livers, lurkers, new or old readers - much love to ya.