the plank-off: 50 thoughts

during the month of november, the instructors at xtend were helping us build our core strength with a little series they called "planksgiving."  now, i'm no stranger to the plank position.  remember last year, when i accepted the challenge of working up to holding it in full plank for five whole minutes?  so when they announced that they'd be holding a "plank-off" - a contest to see who could hold plank for the longest amount of time - i totally signed up for it thinking i had a pretty decent shot at taking home that gift basket.  hell, i didn't even care about the prize, i just wanted to win.  it was that only child syndrome rearing its ugly head yet again.

as luck would have it, the teen had to work on the evening of the contest, and the hub was at the lounge working his regular shift.  so i asked the bean if she minded coming along with me, and when i explained what i was doing, she asked if she could participate too.  hey, sure, why not?

and so here's what went through my mind from the moment we arrived.

1.  okay, here we go.  you can do this.

2.  wait.  WUT.  a lululemon trunk show??  crap.
3.  the hub's totally gonna side-eye me if i come home with new lulu gear.
4.  oh. cards only?  paper trail?  pffft.  never mind.
5.  ah, but those magenta crops...
6.  nope.  stay strong.  christmas is coming.  and you have that gift card from paypal that you're saving for black friday.  walk away.  WALK AWAY.
7.  dang it!  that pullover is super cute.  do they have my size?  NO.  STOP IT.  WALK AWAY.
8.  the bean is totally talking the ear off of one of the barre studio owners, who happens to also be one of her soccer coaches.  better go rescue her.
9.  i'm not sure if i'm rescuing the coach, or the bean.  haha, just kidding.
10. phew, the barre class is over.  time to go in and psych myself up for the contest.

11.  she totally looks like she's sizing up the competition.  who do you think you are, kid, me?
12.  better grab a couple of mats.  maybe they'll help keep me up a little longer.
13.  damn. if we're both participating in this contest, who's gonna take pictures for the blog?
14.  i'll just leave my phone next to me.  the child can take pics for me when she caves.
15.  shit.  why did i sign up for this?  i took 5am class today.  i'm tired.
16.  i hope i don't embarrass the crap out of myself here.
17.  yikes, some of these ladies look strong as hell.  serious gun show around here.
18.  WUT.  desiree is here too.  she kicks my ass every time i take her class.  i'm so screwed.
19.  huh.  even she looks a little intimidated as she looks around.  huh.
20.  i wonder how long the bean will last.

21.  wow, she has nice form.  i guess we have gymnastics warm-ups to thank for that.
22.  holy shit, what if she outplanks me?
23.  nah dude, you trained for this!  you held it up for five minutes!  never mind that it was last year.
24.  but you've been participating in planksgiving.  you got this.
25.  oh wow, there are a lot of participants here.  the sign-up sheet only had like four names on it!
26.  you're so screwed.
27.  what's that?  there are rules for this thing?
28.  WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE DOING FOREARM PLANK??  i suck at forearm plank!!
29.  yeah, i'm totally screwed.
30.  OMG, the bean rocks at forearm plank.  OMG.
31.  hey, t-minus 5 minutes till abject humiliation.
32.  well, everyone else is grumbling over forearm plank too.  maybe i've still got a shot.
33.  here goes nothing.  let's do this.
34.  okay, i'm up.  the bean is up.  everybody else around me is up.  here we go.
35.  this isn't so bad.  it's been, what, a couple of minutes by now?
36.  WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 30 SECONDS AND COUNTING??
37.  this hurts.  like, a lot.
38.  why oh why didn't we get to do full plank?  that's what i do best!
39.  whoa, my kid is still planking with great form and isn't even breathing hard.
40.  sweat is rolling off the top of my head and dripping onto the mat.  ew.
41.  my back.  owwwwww, my back.
42.  obviously that means i'm not using proper form.  maybe if i shift a little...
43.  "no, YOU keep your butt down!"  dang it.  busted.
44.  two minutes?  only two stinking lousy tiny little minutes gone?
45.  i'm starting to shake.  and my back is killing me.
46.  hang in there, girl.  don't be the first one to cave.  DON'T BE FIRST.
47.  okay, phew, someone threw in the towel.
48.  shit!  the kid is still hanging in there.
49.  i...can't...do...this...anymore.  but the bean...
50.  alright, see this imaginary white flag?  i just waved it.  child's pose never felt so good.

the bean managed to hang in there for over four minutes, at least a full minute longer than i lasted.  i cheered her on for that last minute, reminding her to breathe, telling her what a great job she was doing while i inwardly seethed a little over being bested by my 7-year-old.  because i'm mature like that.  but i was totally proud of her too, and she accepted congratulations from all of the other ladies with a shy smile.  and of course, we had to take this:

then we sat and watched the rest of the participants drop out one by one, until only two remained.  and they held that forearm plank for almost fourteen minutes before they finally collapsed into a heap onto their mats.  that's just insane.

also, i guess that's what i get for thinking i'm more badass than i actually am.  clearly, i need to keep going to classes...like forever.  heh.